As we navigate the bustling currents of adulthood, we uncover the significance of shared interests and values in the friendships that flourish, and acknowledge the sometimes necessary, heart-wrenching goodbyes that come with life's inevitable changes.
This episode delves into the complexities of sharing our innermost thoughts, the cultural obstacles that can deter us, and the double-edged sword of seeking solace in others. We dissect the concept of a private inner sanctum essential for personal reflection, and together, we consider the delicate equilibrium between cultivating meaningful connections and preserving our innermost sanctuaries for solitary contemplation and growth.
Conflict is an inherent part of any relationship, yet the dance of conflict resolution within friendships requires a masterful step. We discuss how our personal experiences and individual boundaries choreograph our approaches to selecting friends and resolving disputes. Highlighting the necessity of clear communication, we share insights into how to navigate the dynamic waters of friendship without losing oneself in the process. Join us as we shed light on the indispensable role of friendships in our lives and the individual dedication required to foster these bonds in the digital era we find ourselves in.
Visit our IG page at https://www.instagram.com/dc_overcoffee/ to join the conversation!
As we navigate the bustling currents of adulthood, we uncover the significance of shared interests and values in the friendships that flourish, and acknowledge the sometimes necessary, heart-wrenching goodbyes that come with life's inevitable changes.
This episode delves into the complexities of sharing our innermost thoughts, the cultural obstacles that can deter us, and the double-edged sword of seeking solace in others. We dissect the concept of a private inner sanctum essential for personal reflection, and together, we consider the delicate equilibrium between cultivating meaningful connections and preserving our innermost sanctuaries for solitary contemplation and growth.
Conflict is an inherent part of any relationship, yet the dance of conflict resolution within friendships requires a masterful step. We discuss how our personal experiences and individual boundaries choreograph our approaches to selecting friends and resolving disputes. Highlighting the necessity of clear communication, we share insights into how to navigate the dynamic waters of friendship without losing oneself in the process. Join us as we shed light on the indispensable role of friendships in our lives and the individual dedication required to foster these bonds in the digital era we find ourselves in.
Visit our IG page at https://www.instagram.com/dc_overcoffee/ to join the conversation!
Assalamu alaikum, Welcome to Difficult Conversations where we tackle taboo topics in a safe space through empowerment and education. The information on this podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional. Mental health advice.
Speaker 2:So today we are going to be focusing on friendships and how to find friends as an adult, and what does that look like? And so I want to start with you, ladies. Can you talk about a little bit about your experience about finding friends as an adult, or making friends as an adult? Maybe Apshita or Bonnie?
Speaker 3:Okay, I can start. Or Bonnie, okay, I can start. I think it's really hard like making friends, like really like true, true deep friends, especially when you're an adult, because I think, like going when you're in college or high school, you had things or activities that kind of brought you together. You know you were maybe in the same classes or in the same groups or whatever, so you can had a reason to interact with these people. But you know, once you are out of college you have your own life, you have your own family. It gets really hard to maintain those ties and to maintain friendship because you know you have to go out of your way and call people and check in and make an effort, almost you know yeah, I mean, maintenance is difficult, and then also making friends is difficult.
Speaker 4:Making friends, for me it's. It's difficult for two reasons. One I feel like when you're younger, your boundaries are a little bit more porous, so like you tend to allow things to happen or allow people to act certain ways. So that way, because your boundaries are so weak, you tend to get like a bunch of you know people in your circle. And then when you're older, your boundaries tend to be a little bit more rigid. You tend to love your piece too much for other people to disturb it. So you kind of start dropping people that are going to be a disturbance to your piece.
Speaker 4:At least you know if you are doing the work and if you're being productive of your piece and your space and you're, you know, doing self-care. So because of these boundaries that you create and or, and then also your values become rigid, right, like you're not easily influenceable, you're not trying to please people, you're not trying to um, you're not trying to be like, um, what's called there in everybody's situation and be super accessible. So when you have this thing and your values are rigid, your boundaries are rigid. The people that are willing to tolerate that are also very small. So, um, that creates like okay, I guess it kind of becomes a filtration system, right, and then the survive, the people that survive, are gold, like you know, like a diamond, like when you shift the dirt out.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So for me specifically I have gone through it all I take you have to be so damn good to be in my circle because my circle is very tight and very small and only you know the most awesomest can be in it.
Speaker 2:so I, I, I don't have time for it, and I don't have time too, so yeah, so what I was gonna say is that, as an adult, I mean generally making friends it just depends on commonality and what are the people that you feel that you're in line with, whether it's's your value, whether it's your passion, whether it's community, whether it is hobbies the commonalities are really, really important. That makes sustainable friendship, and I think a lot of time that when we're younger we don't look for those things. Right, my other question is going to be for you guys Like what do you look for in friendship? So I want to kind of go in that angle a little bit and as a younger, when you're younger, you're just like you're in the same environment, whether it's school, whether it is activities, whether it is family, whether it is you just meeting people through friends because of those things. That makes it available, makes it easier to have the accessibility to people, making those connections makes it so much easier.
Speaker 2:But what comes as an adult is that we learn based on the early experience of friendship that didn't work out, and so the friendship that kind of caused some sort of like wound on us, emotional wounds, and we kind of very like vaguely try to distance ourselves from people because you anticipate, like what if this person end up being like xyz person, that who had harmed me in the past. And so for me I would say that I love the idea of cultivating healthy friendships. People are like like-minded, um uh, religiously, you know, professionally not being able to be like. You know, avoiding conflict, and conflict is part of relationship, and I think sometimes people also forget that conflict is what elevate friendships, and but then you have to understand how do you handle that. And so how do you talk to that person when conflict arise? And so in that space it makes it harder as an adult. And then we also kind of like in the space of working the mundane life kind of a little bit hijacked our way of interesting like do I need friends when I'm?
Speaker 3:so busy, can I?
Speaker 3:make space for other people, yeah um I think you touched on a really good point of like do you need friends? You know, because when you, you know, are out of college, you have your own family, you're married, you have kids, you're almost like, yes, I'm like so busy and I can't like even imagine um keeping up with three or four people. Um, we, I feel like tend to forget the importance of friendships and like, for example, we all know that hadith, or like your friends are basically who you are and where you end up to, and if you are friends with people that are, you know, good and remind you of Allah SWT, that's who you associate with and who you become, you know, and the reverse is just is equally important, and I think it makes life so much richer and deeper when you're able to cultivate these rich friendships. But I think a lot of us, at least for me, I feel like a little bit stunted, almost, you know, in regards to how do you cultivate those friendships, how to, how do you um be vulnerable, how do you put yourself out there?
Speaker 3:Um, and I think for me it's more of like a fear aspect. You know of like, okay, not knowing, uh, if you can really be fully yourself with this person, and so I tend to just decide to just keep things to myself and because I always go by this rule of like whatever, if I say something, right, if I put it out there and somebody does something with it, I'm kind of responsible, right, like, not really really hear me out here. Okay, hear me out because I decided to tell this person something right about my life, about whatever, and if, in fact, they come out or like they do something with it or they would tell somebody, um, I tend to believe myself. I'm like, well, like you told them, you know what I mean. Um, so, yeah, I think that's my relationship with friends and I and I tend to just keep things to myself.
Speaker 2:Have you not blamed anybody else? Like that situation, For example? If you did say say something. And something went out there, yeah. And then it came back to you and somehow like why would you blame yourself first, instead of saying like that person is not trusted? First, instead of saying like that person's not trusted yeah, but, but the thing is, though, like they did not force me to tell them right, you're being a human being who likes to share, and being part of like you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Sharing, being vulnerable, actually also one of the significant aspect of friendships yeah and vulnerability is not when things you overcame, it's as you're going through it, and that's what makes people, like you know, create a deepened relationship to one another. When you are saying like, look, I'm really struggling right now and I don't even know what's going on and I just need a space to kind of talk about that and create that some sort of safe space. Talk about that and create that some sort of safe space. But I think is the fact is that there is I'm going to be normal, I'm going to refer to that because a lot of hesitations culturally. I don't know where that comes from, but there is this like fear of not allowing ourselves to be with people because we're worried about either, where is this conversation going to go, where who's going to take it and where is it going to come back to and if it does come back to, how do I handle it. That is a lot of mental pressure. Yeah, to just like you can't allow yourself to be that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's I'm, it's safer for me. Honestly, it's safer and this is the only thing. No, I?
Speaker 4:I also don't want to push you on the topic, but I just want to ask because a lot of people also probably feel the way you do when you say you blame yourself and to a certain aspect, whatever, you have to take responsibility to your part of the equation. But then friendship is a contract both people come into. So you both have this understanding that, like I trust you, you trust me. My secret is safe with you, your secret is safe with me. So if that person goes out of their way to like violate that contract, yes, you did trust the contract and you did share. That's your. It's not necessarily your fault, but it's your. Your contribution to the conflict, yeah, but you didn't bet this person enough, yeah yeah, yeah, but then, yeah, um, they violated.
Speaker 4:So that's like. You know what I'm saying, you understand what I'm saying. You, you gave the material because you abided by the contract of friendship. They violated because they didn't respect the contract. You understand. So, like for me and I I, when I say this, I'm being kind of like a hypocrite because I am also afraid of sharing with people. But the where me and you kind of differ a little bit is that for me, for a very long time I went with, I trust people until they give me a reason not to.
Speaker 4:So I used to be very open and very bubbly and then like, just, you want to know something? Just ask me, I'll tell you. And I realized that it's not that they would go and tell people, it's that they already came into the friendship with an assumption of who I was Right. So whatever they were taking from my story was that it was like a validation of whatever they think I am, not who I am or not, what the situation is or whatever the case is. So I was unintentionally giving people ammunition, ammunition against me.
Speaker 4:And so I I realized like, okay, you know, I have to be very, very careful about what I, you know, I have to be very, very careful about what I put out there. I have to be very careful of who I bring into my circle, you know. And at the same time, when the Habay was talking about our culture, actually, when you think about what, how our culture develops, right, and I don't know if it's in other communities, but I can speak in our community Since we were children, we were taught like family business is family business.
Speaker 4:You don't take it out there because it will come back Right. Or you're told that you hear your parents or your you know your aunts and your mom and talking and be like did you hear about her Right? And be like, did you hear about her right? And unconsciously you're paying attention to, oh, I don't want to be that girl that they're talking about in another household, so you don't want to put anything negative about you out there. Yeah, you know your family doesn't put anything negative about you out there. Yeah, right, so you don't want to be part.
Speaker 3:That's where the guilt comes from because you're like, oh, I put it out there and then now it's spread, but that person broke the covenant of friendship. I think that there's certain parts of me and I think I've said this before on other episodes and stuff there are certain parts of me that like nobody, like nobody would ever have access to, not even my husband, nobody, you know, and I and I think I like it that way, like I find comfort and I find I don't know ease and you know that's very healthy yeah I, and in the words of maya angelo, there should be a place where you retreat to.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's sacred and that's between and in the words of the habit. She told me this about 12 years ago 12 years ago. Yeah, um uh, where you and allah communicate right there should be a space that's reserved for you and allah only, and I think that's very healthy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think like and that's the other thing that stems from it too that I think like, yes, you can have really deep connections with people and friendships and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:But I think if you're say you're going through an issue, you know, um, I, I don't find it beneficial to say like, even if I had a really close connection with the happy, you know, I wouldn't call you and be like, oh, you know, this is this issue that I'm uh dealing with and it's like, on my mind, it's a vice or whatever that I'm, especially if it's say like you're involved in a bad deed or something right, my first thought would always be to first of all make dua. You know like, go get on a salli, pray to raka and then go into that space you were talking about Bonnie, the space of just you and Allah and working through that. You know, because if I tell the next person, right, is that really gonna? Because tomorrow, when I get over that issue or I am able to, you know, find a way out of it, they're not going to forget you know, even though you've done the work, you know you've gone over or whatever, they're still going to remember that.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean, so you know. That's my first thing.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, that makes sense for you.
Speaker 3:Now put on your therapy hat.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm not. I'm not for this situation because I think there's a lot more to unpack there and if I really if, let's say, a client like yourself came to me and talked about that, I would talk about early wounds.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we'll unpack that, but at the same time, right now, I think you said, but there isn't an early wound.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm trying to tell you. I feel like there is no, there isn't.
Speaker 4:Because you keep saying okay, there isn't.
Speaker 2:No no, there isn't, no, no, no, it's not even that. Okay, it's not. We're not gonna have it as that, but I think what. I wanna go back to you said earlier, I find comfort operating the way I do and I find ease so I wanna leave it there yeah can I pick it up there, sorry?
Speaker 4:go ahead, go ahead. I don't think it's wound, but I think it's an unconscious note that you made to yourself when you were a kid from situations that you've observed. So it might not be wound in the sense that, like somebody did it to you or somebody even did it to someone you know, but you either have seen it be done to people like you know, the people that you love do it to other people, or the people the other people do it to the people you love, or somewhere you've either been a witness to or you've heard the situation. Does that make sense? Like, oh, you know, yeah, and then you've heard the situation and you've made an unconscious note that you can't really go back and recall because it's been so long ago.
Speaker 4:Yeah, um, maybe it's not even one thing, right, maybe it's not one situation, maybe it's not for me, for example, uh, I, I, I remember specific incidents where people around me, adults around- me had conversations, um, about either you know so-and-so's child, right, oh, you know I I've talked about this, this even in other episodes where, um, you know I, there were girls in our community that were doing things that were not necessarily appropriate and therefore I was being chastised for their mistakes right for the thing, or I don't even want to call the mistakes, that's their life's journey, their journey I was being kind of so.
Speaker 4:For me that was less like every move I made, every decision, like even friends. The way I picked friends was like are you, do you have the same, uh, restrictions as I do? Are you gonna get like, or was your maca okay? If your maca is not okay, I'm not trying to get dragged into your maca you know what I? Mean, if you're so, I'm like, if so, I'm like. I'm trying to stay clear, if anyone's like you're doing a background check exactly because I didn't want my name in another another person's situations.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know.
Speaker 4:It wasn't necessarily a wound to me.
Speaker 3:It's a learned behavior. Yeah, I can take that. I want to know have you?
Speaker 2:guys had a friendship breakup then Definitely no.
Speaker 3:I think I want to know. No, I think for me it's not like a breakup where, like abruptly, like oh, I'm not your friend anymore and then we storm off. No, I think, over time what happens to me in a lot of my relationships not a lot of them, like some relationships is that they'll be flying. Yeah, they'll be distance right, like you know you're not. We might have moved states when I was younger. We moved around quite a lot, like I feel like I've been to three or four high schools growing up, so we moved around a lot. And If you move away then it creates that distance and your friendships kind of just fade, you know, especially if they're not super strong ones. And I think out of all my relationship, probably my longest one is probably a 20 year friendship, but it's, you know, we grew up together. We still kept in touch, even when we moved. You know quite a bit and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:So are you guys?
Speaker 3:still together. Yeah, we're still together, okay, 24 years strong. Okay, what about you?
Speaker 4:bonnie, oh, I've had friendships explode because no, the thing is, I'm also, I'm not, I'm not like I'm sure I don't. I tend to speak like every conflict out, like I talk everything out, you know.
Speaker 3:I don't say like yeah, so you create problems.
Speaker 4:Hey, excuse me, no, I address them. Excuse me, she's expressive, I address them. Yes, anyway.
Speaker 3:So you're that friend.
Speaker 4:I'm that friend, I bring it to the table. I'm like, hey, so you know, I'm feeling this type of way. How do you feel about it? Did you mean to feel? You know, is this the way you wanted to move, Because I'm receiving it this way? Is this the way you meant? Was it what you meant? I give people the opportunity to course correct and if they don't.
Speaker 2:I wish I can do that.
Speaker 4:I know Me it's such a gift. The thing is and I don't know if it is because it's like for me, I don't want to hold people accountable to my assumptions of what they did Right. I want to make sure that I give you the opportunity to say hey, actually you misunderstood, because I'm not always right and sometimes I project my own insecurities, my own emotions onto situations and I misread things, my own emotions onto situations, and I misread things.
Speaker 4:So I give you the opportunity to say hey, this, this is what I understood from the situation the way you spoke, the way you move, the way you acted. Whatever the case is, um, and if it is, let's, let's talk about it, and there are certain things, obviously hardcore red lines that people should not cross, and if they do, there needs no conversation, and my conversation would be hey, assalamu alaikum, I feel this type of way about the situation. I don't think me, and you should continue.
Speaker 4:Oh, you actually said that definitely I I, because I also don't like ghosting people okay um, I'm very clear on like I pre I tried my best to leave situations uh, and and in the best terms. Um, because my, my mom used to tell me, um, that it's better to not have any friends than make enemies, unless that enemy is for a cause. So if you are making enemies because you're standing for something, yeah, more power to you, yeah, right. But if you're making enemies just because you're miscommunicating enemies, because you're standing for something, yeah, more power to you, yeah, right. But if you're making enemies just because you're miscommunicating or because you're whatever you know, then it's not necessary, you know so. So I kind of tried to move that way, to go back to the whole, like, how do I address conflict or how do I kind of just, you know, first of all, with my friendships, specifically, um, the one that I that comes to mind is in college.
Speaker 4:Um, I was friends with, um, a couple of girls, um, they were beautiful girls and but there's triangulation happening, right, I hate that me too, and there's triangulation happening, and I also was, at that time, trying to find my voice, right, I was trying to stop being such a people pleaser. I was trying to, um, kind of be more real, and but then that realness was like getting taken out of context, right? So I would consider I consistently was trying to morph myself and contort myself into something that there was they were comfortable with, right? Because I am very much of an open book.
Speaker 4:I tend to tell people you're moving kind of weird right now, even if it's not for my benefit, even if it's for their benefit, um, whatever the case might be. So I was contorting myself into something that I didn't feel comfortable with, but that was making them feel more comfortable, um, and then I realized it's not worth it because, one, there is a triangulation you, they, they are more close with each other than I am with them. Right, and there was already a selection. So it was like I know that I wasn't like, how do I explain this? If there was a life raft, which one is?
Speaker 4:going yeah, there was a life raft and there was like a piece of bread and the other and me. I know they would pick the piece of bread over me.
Speaker 2:Does that make sense? That is a very difficult space to be in.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I had to kind of admit myself. I admit to myself like, why are you pretending yeah Like? Why? Why do you need this Like? Why are you pretending yeah Like? Why do you need this Like? Why are you pretending? Why do you guys think like?
Speaker 3:we do that as women, like why don't we just have friends, say you're friends with like three girls or whatever Case in point? Yeah, but no, it's never the case that like equally, all three are like exactly on the same page, same level of friendship, and stuff like that. Because I like even in high school I did have a friend where, like me and uh one, one of them were like really close, um, and then the other girl, like all three of them, I considered them equally friends, right, but one of them, whenever I would, um, hang out or talk to the other girl, she'd like I don't know, she would just kind of act weird. Have you guys had ever had that situation happen to?
Speaker 4:you, I am the girl that would act weird, okay, no, no, I'm just explaining what you mean from my understanding like yeah, because the thing is what you would think, as you're, for what, as you are being equally friends, is it might not see, it might not be really equally, especially when it comes to youth, right? Yeah, for me now, my understanding is that everyone has different relationships with everybody else and also, and it never can be equal.
Speaker 3:It never can be equal Even between your kids.
Speaker 4:You can make it equal and then also everyone needs different things from everybody else yeah. What? Never mind, keep going. No, everyone needs different things from everybody else yeah, what I'm just never mind keep going.
Speaker 4:No, everyone needs different things from everybody else. So for me specifically, I'm understanding that like I have to be 100 authentically myself in every situation, I can't, as long as I am at peace in who I am in that space and I feel accepted as who I am and I'm getting what I need from this friendship, and then you are getting what you need from my friendship with you. It doesn't matter how close you guys are. Does that make sense? My friendship and you is very unique yeah, and my friendship with her is very unique.
Speaker 4:We're getting I'm getting from the habe what I need and she's getting from me what she needs but then there has to be a clear communication from the three people.
Speaker 2:yeah, to establish that level of trust, right security in the relationships. Otherwise there's somebody's going to feel insecure in that relationship because of there's something like a lot of time. What happens is that plan is made behind without including that person and then it's like it wasn't intentional, it was just it happened because of whatever the reason is Right.
Speaker 3:Especially if you're working on one thing all together.
Speaker 2:Not even that. Let's say, for example, you accidentally call that person and you're like hey, what's up, I do want to get coffee, I need to talk to you about something that's not planned, it's just a randomly a day and not very intentional, right. But then if that person hasn't heard from you to saying it, if they found out, like down the road, that this happened, they're like why didn't they not include me? What happened? Like they will come up with that kind of creative stories, you know.
Speaker 4:I think that's who I was. But now I'm realizing that there's no such thing as a three-way friendship. It has to be a one-on-one friendship.
Speaker 3:You can't, but I think, but I understand what you're saying. The habit like when you're making plans, you know, behind the other person's back, I think in that situation, but you're not, but you're not, but it feels that way.
Speaker 2:It's stated to the group chat saying hey, we went out today, we were thinking of you and it was just like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:I don't think that's necessary.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I understand that part no-transcript random intentional friends that are unintentionally happening, but in that regard I agree more with Bonnie.
Speaker 3:I think sometimes it just happens spontaneously, like if I'm driving on in Blaine or whatever and I just stop by or whatever.
Speaker 4:no, not even that sorry.
Speaker 2:Go ahead sorry what is going on, are you okay? Not even that is specific.
Speaker 4:No, I, I genuinely feel like three adults because, like, for example, I should call the habe yeah, right, I should call you and be like hey, the Habe, let's go have lunch. Yeah, and me and you have lunch, yeah, we talk about whatever the hell we want to talk about, and then come back right, and then I don't have to tell Abshuro, you know what I mean. Yeah, that's true, I agree, as long as yeah, yeah, yeah, but like and the intention security has to happen.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Maybe because we're so secure with each other. That's how I feel. Okay, right, that's the biggest thing. So let me finish that thought. First, the intentional security in relationship has to be there in order for the group not to feel any some sort of way about one another. If there's some sort of like the intensities are different, the treatments are different, then there is unintentional insecurity happens in relationship. That's what I mean by that.
Speaker 2:So, it's like you have to make sure that you talk about things and not make it as they come, as they come.
Speaker 4:Don't make votes, that's all I say.
Speaker 3:If you make votes, then there will be problems. Ok, I think we veered off a little bit. Let's go back to because earlier we talked about how it's hard making friends, because I feel like you have these problems when you have friends, I have these problems. No, I'm saying in general, we have these problems of triangulation or whatever when you actually have friends. But I feel like there's a lot of people who don't know how to make friends. Where do you go to meet new people? Um, and are they do want that connection with the next person you know, even if you are married and whatnot?
Speaker 2:um, yeah, I feel like I think I want to talk about what to look for in friends. And then look and where to find them. First, understand what are you looking for in friendship, right? What is your values are you looking for? Right? For some people it can be honesty, it can be respect, it can be attentiveness, it can be communications, it can be stability, whatever. What are you looking for in friendship? Once you establish that, I think the best aspect of finding friends is like in a group setting, right. Group setting activities, community event, social gathering that one friends have so kind of. If somebody invite you go, then you'll meet somebody else there. If you like outdoor stuff, find hobbies and things that you're interested in, and those are the spaces that eventually you'll meet people right. But you have to also get out of a little bit of your comfort zone, willing to kind of give yourself a chance to do something that's not usually you look into doing out of routine out of routine. So that's something that I would say that would help.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. I would say like, go to the gym, take a class, meet people, say hi, I think that's my. My biggest issue is like I don't know. I live in my head a lot, you guys, right. So if I would see somebody new, even at work, for example, and I know she's muslim, or like you know, I've seen them somewhere um, I'm walking right, I walk, I'm walking past this person and I'm like, okay, I should just say hi. I said hi, I can't be like you know. And then I walk by the girl.
Speaker 4:That's me, I can't give anybody any advice on how to make friends, because I don't know how to make friends as an adult. To be honest, I think the thing is in social media. I'm very like. If I see someone, that's like they post something, um yeah, but that's a paradox whatever.
Speaker 4:But then, even in person, if I see a girl and I say I can say I can go to the oh mashallah, you look so beautiful, I am so generous with that. I, I don't have any problem going to a random stranger and be like hey, I know this is gonna sound very weird, but I just want to tell you you look very beautiful, mashallah. And move on. Yeah, but then going that extra part of like going hey, like like let's have tea or let's have coffee, or like let's exchange numbers.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'd rather ask a guy to exchange numbers with me than girl like I will. It's so petrifying because I'm so opposite.
Speaker 2:On that I can make friends.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but that's a paradox too right, like I feel like in this day and age, you have so many people online that you interact with and stuff like that, but not necessarily in real life, you know, and I think.
Speaker 2:I don't interact with people online.
Speaker 3:I know, but you at least have people on your feed or whatever you see what they're doing that you think you know.
Speaker 4:I have so many people in my head that I think I know them because I see their life on social media. In real life? I don't know yeah.
Speaker 3:So I think that you know ability to cultivate friendships and meet new people.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of people are losing that, yeah, and I think the best way to do about it is kind of taking those like initiative to yourself and if you feel like it's important to you and that is something that I think it might be helpful for you to do, and so hopefully, you follow those suggestions that I provided, because, at the end of the day, you know what we all need friends, we all need community. We all need, you know, fostering that environment and so that we have a way of connecting to other people besides our already pre-fostered friendships, and we all need friends. So, yeah, that's all I wanted to say about this topic. This is Difficult Conversation. Thank you for listening. Thank, you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, it's all, michael. Join the conversation in the comment section or on our social media pages. We do not have all the answers and our biggest goal is to kick off the conversation and get it started. May Allah accept our efforts and use us for catalysts of change.