Difficult Conversations
Difficult Conversations
Get to Know Abshiro
Have you ever felt like a stranger in your own skin, trying to navigate cultural identity and personal growth? Join us on a heartfelt journey through Abshiro's childhood memories - from her playful days in Ethiopia to her challenging experience of moving to America and adjusting to a completely new culture.
As the conversation unfolds, we dive into the complexities of relationships and identity, including the influence of her older sister, who acted as both a rebel and protector. We discuss our struggles with communication, personal growth, and self-acceptance while reflecting on our favorite books and movies. By examining the importance of education and enlightenment, we discover the keys to unlocking a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Finally, we share our insights on gratitude and the invaluable life lessons learned from Abshiro's journey. Join our conversation and embrace the power of communication, self-expression, and self-acceptance to transform your life and relationships.
Visit our IG page at https://www.instagram.com/dc_overcoffee/ to join the conversation!
As-salamu alaikum, welcome to Difficult Conversations where we tackle taboo topics in a safe space through empowerment and education.
Speaker 2:We are starting to get to know our host. today We're going to start with Afsharro, and Afsharro is going to tell us a little bit about her, who she is and what stories that you want to learn about her. But I wanted to go ahead and start with tell us a little bit about your earliest memory of your childhood.
Speaker 1:So I think my earliest or my favorite memory.
Speaker 2:Your earliest and your favorite memory.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I think my earliest memory would have to be this was in Nagel, i'm not sure, but somewhere in Ethiopia, when I was probably around five, to be honest, and I remember playing outside and kind of running around this house. I used to eat red clay for some reason. When I was younger I used to eat that and I would hide like from my parents, hide and munch, Cause my mom would always catch me and she was like stop eating that. You know it's so bad for you, but I still taste it to this day. It's such a weird memory to have, but I can taste the texture and I always tell myself whenever I go back to Ethiopia I have to taste it and see if it's as good as what I'm remembering. And it was me and this older girl that would always like just go behind the house and we would just talk and stuff like that. And yeah, that's my earliest memory. But what was your favorite memory? My favorite memory was when I was in high school, or during my high school years.
Speaker 1:We would move like every three years since we came to this country and it was mostly like finding work, my mom changing jobs or housing. Housing was a big thing. So when I was in, i want to say eighth grade, we moved from St Cloud to St Paul and we used to live in this like really, really cramped house. So this landlord took a house that was meant for like one family and he divided it into four units, so it was like a six bedroom house divided into four different families, and we had the top part, like the attic part, so it was, i think, seven of us sharing two bedrooms. Wow, yeah, i remember so clearly. I was going to madrasa and I was memorizing surat al-ahzab and it was such a long surah right And I spent like months trying to memorize the surah.
Speaker 1:There was like this little attic place in the house. How I memorized is I would read an ayah like 20 times and then I would close the kitab and read it 20 times, and then I would open it, read it 20 times and then read the next ayah. So I did that for like the whole page until I would do that page again. It was a long thing and my brother used to be my madrasa teacher And so that's one thing that he taught me how to memorize Quran.
Speaker 1:I got to a point where I did that for like the whole nine pages of the surah. I think it was like nine pages, i'm not sure Nine or 10 pages of surah al-ahzab. And then I got to the last page and I was like, oh my gosh, i'm done. So then I was like, okay, but can I do it from beginning to the end? So then I closed the kitab and I read all nine pages in like one sitting And I was like, oh my gosh, i did it. You know, it was just like a sense of accomplishment. And I looked out the window and like there's my cousins and stuff like that. It was like four different families, but we all kind of knew each other, like my cousins and them lived below us And then another family lived to the side of us or whatever. That was my favorite memory that I have from childhood.
Speaker 2:Can you talk about a little bit about when you first moved to America and your first experience whether it's good or bad, self like cultural experiences or cultural shocking that you have experienced? Because I know you said a little bit more about your childhood back home. Yeah, But what was it like moving to America and kind of adjusting to this culture?
Speaker 1:When I moved here I was six and we came here through the Lutheran church and we landed in Lansing, michigan. We came with my mom, my older brother, sister and a lot of other people that we came with. It was like a hodgepodge of people coming together And back in the day they set you up in like a really nice neighborhood. They gave us like a brand new house and we were like the first family to live there And it was such a struggle because we didn't know the language. The closest relative was like blocks away and it was like my aunt and uncle, and so my older brother and my mom would go grocery shopping with the bike because we didn't have a way of getting around. And so when you come from overseas, sometimes you come with people you're not related to, right, so it was house packed with so many people that are so different.
Speaker 1:But we came December of 99 and New Year's you know how like they do the fireworks and stuff like that New Year's. We didn't know anything about fireworks. It was like a completely new thing to us And my father. He spent a lot of time in the military and he spent a lot of time with the UN and you know he went to Korea And so he had a lot of like war experience and he was part of the uprising the Bali Uprising, mal預備, the valet revolt and he was fighting in the insurgency with my grandfather. So like a long history, you know. So New Year's that whole night like fireworks were going off and it was so triggering for us The whole family was like huddled in the living room and we were like what the heck is going on Like guys didn't know it was fireworks?
Speaker 1:No, we didn't know it was fireworks, we didn't know it was fireworks. so we were like looking outside and like all these lights and my dad goes like how do they fight? He's like what is going on here? Like you know, why are they fighting with like so much color and so much? you know? Yeah, literally that whole night we did not sleep. We like just were huddled in the living room just looking out the window and we're like, okay, it's over, because our grandfather he told us not to come to the States. right, he said be a kafirah like malrad nianmumad radhraid nianmstah bithad. So then in the morning we're like, okay, khalas is over.
Speaker 1:Then in the morning, like you know, after fireworks everywhere's like kind of smoky or whatever. But yeah didn't. Later on, like years later, we realized like well, it was just fireworks.
Speaker 3:Yeah, i wouldn't actually just jump on in that, if that's okay, because you just mentioned about your dad's experience with war, your family's experience with war and your grandfather's involved in the ormo insurgency. I wanted to know how does it feel and how does it impact you to be the granddaughter of one of the most prominent ormo generals, and how does that live in your house Like?
Speaker 1:I mean, that's reality, right, right, i grew up hearing so, so, so many stories of my grandfather and the giant that he was and you know so many lives that he's touched and it's such a big responsibility. I always want to do something that would make him proud and make his legacy worthwhile, because I realized that I am here and because of the sacrifices that he's made and because of the sacrifices that my parents and my uncles and this whole team of ormo fighters have fought for, and when I make it an effort to keep ormo and ormo mama and talk the language and let go of that part of me, it's a tribute and a testament to him, you know, because I always ask myself subhanAllah, grandpa did all of this stuff so that you can be here, right? How much of an insult would it be if you forget your language, if you forget your culture? Yeah, because it wasn't even that long ago when ormo language was banned.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 1993. Yeah, that's when ormo language is able to speak in Ethiopia. but can you talk about who your grandfather is? and I know the story is kind of taking a little bit direction, but there are people who might not know who he is. Just tell us a little bit about who he is.
Speaker 1:So my grandfather, wakko Guto Usu may Allah have mercy on him was a leader of the Bale Oromo movement. He, along with many brave Oromo resistance fighters, challenged three successive Ethiopian regimes, starting from Hila Selase in the 1960s, the Dergut was the communist regime of the 70s and 80s and the EPRDF in the 1990s. He was a giant of a man. He passed away in 2006 and he strongly believed that the Oromo people have the right to self-determination and governance, and he spent his whole life trying to achieve that goal.
Speaker 2:So you're saying you guys moved here, you guys live in Michigan trying to figure out ways to adjust and your dad was experiencing a New Year's Eve the PTSD experience of the war zone, which was a firework which in America they talk about anytime July 4th exists. There is some psycho education around. Please be mindful about how long you keep the firework, because there are soldiers who have been in war, so they're experiences. So hearing your dad's story about that type of an adjustment and the PTSD experience that you all felt as a family, it reminds me of that and so I'm so glad that you shared that. Say more about your adjustment after that. You know, new Year's Eve, you're living in Michigan, what happened?
Speaker 1:next then. So like everybody, i enrolled in school. I started it was second grade, and so my cousin. We started second grade together but for that whole year we did not say a word of English and we had similar classes together. You know, we went to ESL together but we just sat there, we didn't say anything. We didn't say anything, the teacher is nothing. So then by the end of the year they told our parents. They didn't say a word. So I don't think that they're gonna pass. So we ended up being held back one year. The following year we ended up not even the following year. Like eight months later we moved from Michigan to Marshall, marshall, minnesota, and in Marshall there were a group of people that my parents knew back home and they all kind of gathered there. So all of my mom's friends, my dad's friends not all, but like a lot of them lived in this little like Marshall, minnesota, it's like three hours from the Twin Cities. So we all moved there and then I re-did second grade.
Speaker 2:Okay, that was really a good option. So like kind of re-evaluating yourself. Man, i can relate to that story because my brother had to do that voice for me too, because I couldn't speak English When we first moved here too. I would be like just a gay. So I mean, it's like I'll be following where he goes because I can't speak English, i didn't say anything. I was afraid to be in school because how am I gonna navigate this? So when you said that I'm there with you, yeah, so the following year.
Speaker 1:I remember vividly when the first time I learned to read was it was in ESL class and we did a presentation. I remember it was on giraffes and I did this little presentation and then the teacher was like, okay, so get up and you know, read, or whatever. I was so nervous, i was shaking. But then I got up and I actually read. I surprised myself while I was like, oh my gosh, i'm reading. Okay, i'm sure you're reading, keep going. So yeah, i learned to read in second grade.
Speaker 2:We were talking about your elementary experience and how you were able to create a presentation about draft and you realized that you could read Yeah, what was after that in middle school? What was that?
Speaker 1:like I liked seventh grade but I hated eighth grade because seventh grade by this time we left Marshall, my family, we ended up moving every three years or so. So we stayed in Marshall for three years, then we moved to St Cloud, which had a good East African population too, and then, before I came from sixth grade to seventh grade, my older sister, fatte, was really popular. She was outgoing and super, super popular and so when I came to seventh grade I kind of rode her coattails right and so everybody's like, oh, fatte's little sister, and they kind of like took me under their wing and I was really shy and quiet and so I automatically got an upgrade and I became a little bit like popular and so like the boys and the girls, they're like oh, fatte's little sister. So it was a fun year for me.
Speaker 1:But then we moved to St Paul, eighth grade, and it was a nightmare because I felt like I didn't really know who I was and my parents were like really religious and they were kind of strict on what we wore and stuff like that. In eighth grade I went to almost an all-white middle school and I was like the only hijabi, i was the only African. They're African-Americans and I vividly remember like we went to a field trip. I was feeling really, really insecure. I decided to wear a khimar and we had to wear the big jilbabs.
Speaker 1:You know, so I wore a khimar and then I went on this little field trip and, obviously, at the end of the day, you know, i was such back to the jilbabs And this guy who was African-American, we were like having a conversation and he was like, oh, you know, you are not African-American. And I was like what do you mean? I am, i'm African and I'm an American. And he was like no, you are African, period, you, you are not American. I was already feeling I was an other. You know, i was like a different person. I didn't, i wasn't relating to a lot of people, and so I think that's when I realized I was like, okay, well, if I'm not accepted here, then who am I really?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so then I feel like that kind of started me trying to discover who I am, because before that I was just Kind of going along with everything you know, middle school is really hard And even creating social environment that you feel accepted in and a lot of high school and middle school and a lot of our Adult trigger and security comes from middle school. To be honest with you, because that's your personality, in your you as a person, are evolving at that age, faking out what you like, what you dislike, what kind of social environment that you want to create when you look in middle school, it's so distinct, right?
Speaker 1:You know who the popular kids are. You know who the geeks are. I used to hate lunch because of that fact and I was okay, who am I gonna sit by today? and I used to always volunteer with the teachers. I'm like, oh, you know, i can come in during lunch and help you. We saw whiteboards back then and, like You know those little delights I don't know what it's called now like the projectors. Yeah, we saw the projectors, and so I would always volunteer to either wipe down the blackboard or wipe the projector, just because I didn't want to go to lunch.
Speaker 2:So you're using some sort of like support system or active services that you need to do to distract yourself from, like, yeah, being in those social, yeah Environment with your classmates and stuff like that. So what did it look like for the rest of your middle school until you got to high school? Like what is that?
Speaker 1:like So. Then I finished that middle school like that, kind of just really confused about who I was and Everything like that. When I started ninth grade I was still really confused. But then I went to Como, which was in St Paul, and There were a lot more Africans there, you know, east Africans, and I feel like I kind of found my Little circle of people. But then I started to realize the things that are important to me. You know, i really wanted good grades. I had to decide am I gonna Pretend to be a cool person or am I? I wasn't in it. That was such an effort, trying to be with the in-crowd or whatever. I like studying and I like math and I like science and stuff like that, and that's completely fine. I started to be a little bit comfortable in my skin.
Speaker 1:I'm starting ninth grade.
Speaker 2:So what was your biggest challenge? that you have experience in high school, i would say like tell us a little bit about that experience high school was when a lot of my Islamic boundaries were Pushed a little bit.
Speaker 1:I was a good girl. I didn't go out and party and stuff like that, but I did date right. But then I felt like I wanted to be religious But I wanted to put my foot in the other circle as well, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3:High school.
Speaker 1:Right. I knew what was right and I knew that I shouldn't be doing certain things. And One thing I remember very clearly is that I was dating this brother and It was just fun and games. The crazy thing is that on the weekends I was like a star madrasa student, I Right. But then I was talking to this guy But in my head I was like, okay, you know what, and I feel like we have these delusions. And then you're gonna get married and yep, you're not going. You can justify it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can justify literally everything that you're doing. I feel like I should have picked up on a lot of things, and one of his close lady friends Was the farthest thing from me in terms of how she looked. What was she doing? I should have looked at his associations to realize that he wasn't looking for long term.
Speaker 3:Mmm, did he have a history of dating people?
Speaker 1:Yes. Okay, cool and the people he dated were not like me.
Speaker 2:Hmm, yeah, would you say you regret that experience, or is that just like a open-eyed experience for you?
Speaker 1:I was I open-er because it made me realize now you have to make a decision right. Either you're gonna be a hundred percent in the straight and narrow Okay, or you're gonna stop the facade and go the other way. You cannot be in both camps, right. That makes sense right, you can't be a good Masha Allah madrasa person on the weekend. Yeah and then chop it up.
Speaker 3:Normally people go out party of the week.
Speaker 1:And then I like she had the weekend and so and I feel like in our community, if I didn't tell you that, you wouldn't know, you wouldn't know.
Speaker 1:Hmm and so a lot of times, people are very good at like projecting What they are and who they are, and and I think this has really Affected me in terms of the religious community. Maybe it's because of me I'm very critical about the religious community and People who show themselves out to be a religious person and like make it an effort to show you that they're religious, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:So I mean going back to that stage of your life. What would you say? something that it was like the biggest lesson for you. That's one, and what is something that you regret? that now, looking back at it, you know what? It's a lesson that I learned.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i think not so much regret, but I feel like a lesson that I learned is that, regardless of what your parents say or like the environment that your parents push on you, you have to choose, that You have to make it an effort to be like yes, i'm Muslim because A, b and C. And it gets to a point where you shouldn't believe in Islam because of what your parents say, because if you do do that, then what if your parents aren't there? Then you are not going to abide by those values because it's such a superficial thing. But if you realize that this is Allah's Quantar as Deen and Allah's Quantar as religion, regardless of where you are, this is the litmus test that you will use. And I think I only started realizing that and fully accepting that. 10th, 11th grade.
Speaker 3:How is your relationship with your parents and your siblings when you were in high school?
Speaker 1:With my parents. our communication wasn't that great. I think it was always do this, do this, And there was a level of fear there and there was a level of respect as well. It wasn't a relationship where, if I was struggling with something, I could bring it and say, hey, I'm struggling with this you know, That line of communication just wasn't there.
Speaker 3:Right. What about your siblings? Were you able to find confidants in your siblings?
Speaker 1:I think my younger siblings are too young. My younger sister is about seven years younger than me. That's already a generation you know, So not so much my younger siblings but in my older sister. She was a rebel most of my child. I love her and she has really opened a lot of doors for me because she was that person in my life where if I didn't want to do anything, she would say no for me or she would kind of be my protector, some things that, like my parents, would want us to do.
Speaker 1:she would say no and kind of open that door for me so that I wouldn't have to do that either, if that makes sense. Right, so yeah, she made the process easier for you She made the process a lot easier for me, and they're always like oh, you know, si baleza drara, and you know you were the ones who were ruining her, but I really appreciated her. I don't tell her that enough. But I really appreciated her for that.
Speaker 2:So you're telling me about your high school experience and learning about relationships, social environment. How does that impact your household, cultural and religious at home and how you navigate that in school. But how did that translate for you when you come to now starting to look into college and that growth mindset of like what the direction of the future is gonna look like now?
Speaker 1:So then we moved from St Paul to Seattle.
Speaker 2:No, you guys sound like a military family for real, I know.
Speaker 1:I know. So we moved to Seattle. We stayed there about three years as well, and during my time in Seattle we really struggled because we were trying to find housing and it was just very difficult because my mom had lost her job and we were staying with people for a little bit. It was a hard time for me and this was like my fourth high school fourth high school in like four years Wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, i mean, that makes sense And I appreciate you sharing that part about you know, the challenges of keep moving and how from hand side looks different than when you actually are in the midst of it. But did that ever impact your social friendship or things like that? The three year smart movement that's happening, like you guys be moving every three years.
Speaker 1:You can't be friends with people on a deeper level because you were moving a lot, you know, And I feel like you tend to not even metaphorically unpack your bags if that makes sense My younger siblings I don't think they remember much about it.
Speaker 1:So when we got to Seattle, there was a really nice close knit community of Oroma sisters and we got to know them And I went deeper and deeper into Islam because I felt like that was one thing that was constant And, regardless of whether we moved a lot or whatever, it felt like something that was unchanging, something that stayed the same for me And that was a comfort and I found solace in that. So then I decided to practice more and I put the nab on. I would say 11th grade, 11th grade, yeah, and it was a spiritual awakening for me.
Speaker 2:And that's in high school, 11th grade, high school yes, wow, that's a lot of turning point for many people.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:You either this in middle of high school or you're at the beginning of freshman year of college, but that is definitely a turning point for to make that distinguished life choices that is spiritually related. Yeah. So I mean kind of asking kind of light question about your siblings and I know we're talking about that earlier. What would you say your family would say about you? like three things that your siblings or your parents would say about you when they ask about a show like this is who a show is I don't know Or your friends.
Speaker 1:I would like to say I try to be the conflict diffuser. I try to be the balanced person, the person that tries to look good, you know, look at the good of others and try to make situations better, whether it's a conflict or whether it's things that, if I'm able to you know, oh, that's very cool Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm still thinking No, i was, i was just thinking that.
Speaker 1:I just learned so much. Yes, i did, and I.
Speaker 3:I think to a certain degree. I kind of had an awakening about you earlier. We were talking about how you don't really open up to people very easily, or you have a wall that's very easy for you That's to put up. Yeah, and that comes from that. Military brats have a lot of that. You know what I mean Of moving a lot and, like you said metaphorically, i'm not even unpacking your bag So you can stay in a space for a year without unpacking anything because you know you're gonna be. You don't know when you're gonna be moving. So that's, do you think that's a life skill that you that's moved into now, even your stable space?
Speaker 1:I would say yeah, because even now we just bought a house, i started a job and I'm always itching to be like, okay, what's the next thing? You know like, where do I go next? or I think overseas sounds good, or you know what I mean, i don't know if it's definitely back to that idea of moving constantly and, yeah, i think it definitely needs a lot more unpacking and kind of getting to the root of it and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:How long did it take you to unpack for your husband Like when you were guys were talking and you know for him to actually see and not get to know you being someone that doesn't open up very easily?
Speaker 1:I would like to say that my husband married an idea of me and that we're still unpacking.
Speaker 3:I'm packing that a little bit. You don't have to go personal, but just unpack that a little bit.
Speaker 1:I like the key things about my husband right. That he was all around, that his religion was good For him. He probably like abiancy, He probably was like oh, she's from a good family. I know her family personally and I know this and this and this hitting the main things. But in terms of like deep, deep, what are your thoughts? What do you think about this? But now, like when we have conversations and stuff like that, he'll be like she talks too much.
Speaker 1:No he'll be like oh, you know, that's one of the things I liked about you was that you're low-key and like you weren't flashy and stuff like that, And alhamdulillah, like we didn't get to a level deep enough where I would say I loved him before I married him. Because right now we are getting to that level, if that makes sense, and it's after marriage, and I'm completely fine with that.
Speaker 3:Honestly, So you're like falling in love. That's nice, i love it. I'm getting to your husband.
Speaker 2:So okay, now let's go back to. We talked about junior high school. What is college, a college, freshman's college life? How did you set on your majors? What does college experience look like for you? Talk about a little bit of college for us.
Speaker 1:So I did a year in college, did a year in Seattle, and I completely bombed it And it wasn't an environment for me because I went to a really big, big university and where, like, my classes were like 500 people, it was auditorium and I was this little insignificant person and I felt so out of place. So then when we moved back to Minnesota, i made it a point to go to a university where it's very small. So I landed on a private school and in terms of my major, i didn't know what I wanted to do. But my sister did, and so she's like I want to do respiratory and stuff like that. And so I was like, okay, sure, i'll do it with you.
Speaker 1:So then I did that and then I wrote my entrance essay for the program, the statement letter. The statement letter, yeah, and the professor's like I like your grades and your grades are really good, but I'm not getting anything Right From your statement letter. From my statement letter He's like I need you to rewrite this because I want to accept you to the program, but I want you to put more heart into this because I don't know that you want to be an RT, right. I was like, oh shit, okay. So then I rewrote it and got in and I, after doing the program and stuff like that, i did really well.
Speaker 3:So let's say, for example I actually want to elaborate a little bit on that Like, if your sister didn't want to do RT and if that wasn't like something that was brought up to you, that was an easier I don't want to say an easier out, but like that was just something given to you, right? Yeah, what now, in hindsight, what would you go for?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I always wanted to do business and administration. I've always wanted to do something in business and I ended up taking some courses and trying to minor in business, But I was always afraid that I would not do anything with it and that I would waste four years do business and not get a job. So that's why I did the safer option.
Speaker 2:Where did that come from? The thinking of you being a business or MBA or business administration, that idea where did that come from that? you will make it or do that successfully.
Speaker 1:So growing up, we were always taught to get your bread first. Do something, learn something that will give you a living, before you do something for passion.
Speaker 3:I feel like that's the immigrant philosophy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it also goes back to the whole thing of seeing my mom go to work and working at terrible jobs and working in a factory when she's nine months pregnant and having those images. You don't have the luxury to do something that you want. You're always like how am I going to repay our efforts? It's a lot to put on yourself, but it's also a good motivational force as well.
Speaker 2:It is because I think earlier, when you were saying about the story about you living in Seattle, and that contributes to like, okay, you know what I need? something stable, stability is the focus for me, so that way that I don't have to struggle the same way as my parents have, which, again, like Bonnie said, it's immigrant mentality. and because if we don't have that safe environment, that financially secure environment, it's hard for us to say let me go do this and then see the bigger picture of how that would make me money, because, like, well, if that doesn't make money, where am I going to go?
Speaker 3:It's the survival apparatus, right?
Speaker 3:One thing I wanted to ask is it seems like safety and security seems to be a lot of the themes of your life and the way you navigate the world and the way you move right And even like the way you said how in elementary school, when you and your cousin were in the same second grade right And she was your safety blanket, so you guys were sitting, you wouldn't talk to the outside world because you guys have each other And that was safe. Have you progressed from like moving out of your safety and out of your safe zone, and how did you manage to do that?
Speaker 1:I don't think I've managed to do that now. I think I'm still working towards it and I feel like now that I'm a little bit older, i'm recognizing that and saying, pushing back a little bit, but I feel like I'm still that little girl and I'm still learning to express what I don't want, what I do want, and it's definitely like a working progress still.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I'm going to go back to the part that you were saying, which also is such a great point that you're making earlier about the career choices. So what do you do as career right now, as a job?
Speaker 1:Right now I work as a respiratory therapist, i'm working at a hospital near my house and then I'm also director of an assisted living facility And that is me and my sister's project and our business. And I'm starting to realize that I like business stuff. But then I realized that I need to do better at like voicing concern and actually trying to lead. That makes sense, right, expressing yourself, expressing myself, yeah. So, because it's not safe, it's not safe, yeah, and I feel like, before I say things, i always navigate and I'm always okay. How is it perceived? How is it you?
Speaker 1:know, is it safe, Is it yeah?
Speaker 2:So you're saying you're constantly, you're a progress and you're working on yourself, challenging yourself to be a better version of yourself.
Speaker 3:I'm learning a lot and I think most of this interview have been very just listening and watching and because I'm genuinely an audience right now and I'm loving it. But the habit started this conversation by asking what was your favorite memory and what was the most recent memory that you have. I wanted to know in your life because safety and security, and I'm thinking of those words what was the most emotional time for you that you were like just either super passionate about something or super emotional about something, and where does that come from? Like in what space, if that makes sense, or have you ever been?
Speaker 2:disappointed or hurt? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:You seem so zen all the time.
Speaker 2:I mean you have to like Leave us alone Spare some teeth.
Speaker 1:I don't remember.
Speaker 3:Oh dang, have you ever like screamed at somebody? No, never, never yelled at like how dare you, you don't fight with your siblings. I think she's the okay person. It's okay.
Speaker 1:I verbally, i don't remember No exchanging words, i don't remember.
Speaker 3:I think we need to interview her sisters.
Speaker 2:I think so Well.
Speaker 3:I don't remember. Have you ever felt like screaming at someone? I mean, i don't want to treat you like you're a robot.
Speaker 1:No, i've definitely felt wanting to like push back and stuff like that, but I don't know, maybe it's my brain pushing those things away, but well, i honestly don't remember And I'm really conflict-diverse, so yeah, i don't remember Interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I've seen fights like in high school, but it was mostly to do with my sister, so no.
Speaker 3:So, to just jump on that and go rewind. Was that something that was on your list when you were thinking and looking for a husband that was like, also maybe conflict-diverse, or like someone that can be more communicative, because maybe you weren't, or whatever that is. In whatever dynamic you want to go either, they're both like the other person is also conflict-diverse. Or that person is like willing to go into the ring with you so he can drag me into the ring, or something. What was that?
Speaker 1:I think my husband is conflict-diverse too.
Speaker 3:So you guys just go for you, that's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because one of the things I appreciate about him is that when we do get into arguments or we're talking about things, he will just be quiet.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry she said. One of the things I appreciate about my husband is when we get into arguments he's quiet.
Speaker 2:No, no, he's actively listening, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like because you know how people you know when you're upset you say stuff or like.
Speaker 3:He doesn't react.
Speaker 1:He doesn't react, yeah.
Speaker 3:So how does arguments look like in your household?
Speaker 1:We rarely have them, but yes, it was about one time in ten years. I think it's more of like a conversation and more of going back and forth and trying to get better at expressing myself, because I've realized that what I do is I try to say things that the other person agrees with or the other person is already.
Speaker 2:You're masking yourself in arguments Right, right.
Speaker 1:So I do a lot of that and so that's why we don't get into arguments is because I don't bring in my like a true self a lot of the times. I'm trying to get better at that and I feel like my husband is realizing that too, so he'll like ask probing questions and be like you know, would you really think about this? You know so.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's really nice. Yeah, i like that.
Speaker 2:Lastly, i want to know other fun stuff. What do you like to do for fun, for fun?
Speaker 1:What's fun? Okay, i'd like to say that I like to read What's your favorite book? My favorite book is Anything by Nicholas Sparks, okay, it's like nice and romantic. So you're cheesy and romantic too. Yeah, okay, we love that. My favorite movie is A Walk to Remember by a book that got it. You know that we're made into movies. What else If?
Speaker 2:you would live somewhere in the world. Where would you live?
Speaker 1:I'd live somewhere in the Middle East. I haven't decided what country yet.
Speaker 3:Okay, I have a question. I noticed that most of the important moments in your life has been connected to reading.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you said reading was something in accomplishment for you like when you were presenting in front of a class or reading the Qur'an and reciting it and memorizing it. That was very important for you. So do you think education, and like, enlightenment, was something that was very important to you, and how did it get there? Was that something that was self-perpetuating or something that your parents taught you Like? how did that come to be like reading being your favorite thing to do?
Speaker 1:I grew up seeing my dad read all the time or like read the Qur'an, or like read his Arabic books or stuff like that, and my dad, like he knows a lot. Masha'allah, it didn't really trickle down to us so much, so a lot. And then the other thing is when we moved back in like college, i started an MLM.
Speaker 3:What's an?
Speaker 1:MLM, multi-level marketing. Basically, i am where. So one of the things I really, really, really appreciate was that those group of people like for the first time I saw Auroba people who came together just to discuss a book, who came together regardless of what you think about the business model and everything like that they really taught me the value of reading and how that can change your life, because, even if they weren't making anything, they were improving in their careers, they were improving their language skills, they were improving in their presentation skills, you know, and you were Averjadama people and I was so amazed by that. So then that has stuck with me.
Speaker 3:I know you just said earlier that you have a hard time, or you had a hard time, bringing down those walls and like being opening up yourself. How were you able to create long lasting relationships with that history that you have and then or?
Speaker 1:for you. Yeah, here I have a really good friend of mine who we've known each other for like 20 plus years. I've known her in Kenya. We moved here and actually her dad was the one who told my parents to move to Marshalls. We reconnected there. So I feel like other than that relationship I can't really say that there are people who I'm super, super, super open with. All my relationships. There are parts of me that I will never share with anybody. I've accepted that and I actually like that part of my personality Okay, and that was my last question.
Speaker 2:What is something that you're proud about yourself?
Speaker 1:Yeah, As much as it might be to others, that that's really being guarded and stuff like that. but I really like that about myself, that I will not put myself in a situation where later on I'll ask myself, like why did you do that? Or why didn't you do that? You know, and I like safety and I like security And I think, when it comes to business ventures and stuff like that, i'm now realizing that that is what you like. You know You like safety and I have to recognize that. And so when working on a team or when working on business ideas, i have to let the people that I'm working on these ventures with know that about me so that they know where I'm coming from when I'm pushing back against them and things or and whatnot.
Speaker 3:If you had to time travel and give one advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Speaker 2:That's actually a good one. I want to know that one.
Speaker 1:I would say I would go back to when I was I would say maybe elementary and just tell her that you don't have to be so scared, that you will learn English. You will look back on this and be like, wow, you've accomplished a lot and you can change your circumstance. And I feel like I a little bit touched upon our time in Seattle and stuff like that. But we had a good time there And now, alhamdulillah, like all of us were growing, four of us have our houses and we're able to do things for my parents. That, alhamdulillah, is such a blessing, and when we were there, i don't think that we would be able to say that and think that about our future. So, alhamdulillah for those experiences too.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, abshadu, thank you so much for sharing your stories with us, and I think I would say I can't speak for Bonnie, but I'm learning a little bit about you myself during this storytelling, and I learned nothing.
Speaker 3:I'm kidding.
Speaker 2:And so I just want to say thank you so much for this conversation And thank you for listening to the full conversation. Thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 1:Assalamu'alaikum, wa'alaikum, warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, join the conversation in the comment section or on our Instagram page to share with us what you think. We do not have all the answers, and our biggest goal is to kick off and get the conversation going. May Allah SWT accept our efforts and use us as catalysts for change.